


È La Vita - That’s Life

by orphan_account



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types, Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman
Genre: Call me by your name, Endgame Oliver/Elio Perlman, F/M, Inspired by Call Me By Your Name, M/M, POV Elio Perlman, Sad Elio Perlman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27164746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: To Foreverland. For it is our future. And once you reach the top, you can’t fall down.
Relationships: Oliver/Elio Perlman, Oliver/Oliver's Fiancée (Call Me By Your Name)
Kudos: 11





	1. Fragments of Love

When you jump, you go down with a fight. When you fall, you end with fire. There’s no way to go, but from the top. It was a pleasure to burn. The clouds were gray. The sky was raining. And my senses were screaming. When I sit down all I can think is ‘his children are falling from the sky’ and there’s nothing to do to bring them back. The first step of life is life. The second step is to enjoy it. The third step is to die. As depressing as that might seem it’s true. It’s silly if you think about it; a kid could be getting a new pet, a family could be buying a house, a couple could be kissing, and I could spend time here loving him...or I could give up. But, I’m not going to do that. Not when I made it this far. We made it this far. After all this time...why? Why? Why change? Why lie? Can’t it go back to how it used to? Of course it can’t. That’s part of life. Maybe if you moved on. I know you haven’t. And that probably sounds bad to assume, but I know I’m not wrong about this. Then, I can forgot. You can forget if you mean it. When you mean it. But, who knows when that will be.  
———————————————  
When I sleep I’m my bed, my mind wanders to an aesthetic. An aesthetic of you. Writing your bike to the market. It’s different then. It was. Life is constantly changing. Making their way into our minds. Like a dimension. Who’s going to pull you out? Make a run for it? I’m not running away, I’m running towards. Towards the fire, life. Don’t run away not if you can cherish every moment. It can be tricky. If you do that, you can get stuck in the past. And once you reach the top, you can’t fall down.  
———————————————  
Dear Oliver,

I think about you every day and every night. When I'm with you, you light up my life. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I wish upon a star every night for you to return to me. The love that I hold for you in my soul is greater than an ocean or the sky above. I realize that during hard times you calm me. Sometimes, you can read my mind and then tell me exactly what I want to hear. Regardless of how much frustration there is in my life, I look forward to your voice to help me through. The best thing that happened in my life was the day we first met. You captured my heart with your sweet smile, your desiring eyes, and you kissable lips. As time passed by, we became closer, not just as friends, but more than that. You gave me your heart, I gave you all my love, and now our world goes up and down. We faced many trials and circumstances, but we surpassed them all. Now, however, things are pretty different. I don't know went wrong. Do you? Now it's time for me to say goodbye. It's not because I don't love you anymore, but just to give you time and space to think about what you want to do, but always remember that I will still love you. I want to thank you for all the love, happiness, pain, and tears you have brought into my life. I always told you that you came into my life for a reason. And yes, it is true, you have taught me to love unconditionally, no matter how painful it was. I will always remember the love we shared, and the thought of it will always bring me a smile with no regrets, even though it brought me both joy and tears. You have strengthened my faith and brought me closer to God, as I always depended on Him because I was always afraid to lose you. I never really lost you, did I? I know you loved me--not enough to hold on to me but enough to love me for a short time. Although I was not able to behave properly with you, I am more cautious now and wiser. You hurt me; I can still feel the pain of every word you told me, especially when you left on that train and I knew I couldn’t go with you. I used to ask myself, how could this guy who had once put sweet, loving messages on my answering system hurt me now so badly with hurt. I loved you so much that when you pushed me away, I lost my self-esteem, my self-confidence, even my ability to think, so I realize what I felt for you was true love. You actually made me stronger when you hurt me this way. I did not say it was good for me to be hurt, but it was only because we shared true love that I could be so badly hurt. It is silly, but the tears you brought me cleansed my heart from all past hurt. I probably still might not be over what I've suffered in the past, but this experience made me a better person. I still cry when I think about you. I still have sleepless nights, still wake up too early, thinking of you. I still wish we could be together. I still wish you were with me but I am a better person now, able to understand things better, not just from my point of view. I can better understand other people's emotions now, so I don't see how I could ever hate you. Thanks for bringing out the best in me, for all the joy, for giving me the best thing that ever happened in my life--YOU. I know it's not the end for me. I shouldn't be ever afraid to love again; I only need to be wiser. In my heart, you will always be more than just a sweet memory of the past or the love that once was, much more than that. I only walked away because you asked me too, because you thought it would make you happy, but my heart is never letting you go. There will always be a place in my heart for you, even though you have given up on us. I guess I will always love you. I will always love that simple man, the sweet you, the sensitive you, the affectionate you. And I will always miss your loving messages, your admiring glances, the sweet kisses, your strong arms, the feeling of being safe around you, your sweet smile, our long telephone conversations, and our late night dinners. I will always turn around when I see the same color van you drove, or see your letters in a license plate and stop, smile and think of you. I will always look back on the places we've been with that special joy in my heart. The time we spent was brief, but I loved every minute of it, and I will always cherish it. I thank God you came into my life and I love you and always will. Every day we are apart, the memories fade, but the pain grows, which is exactly the opposite of what the effect of time is supposed to be. Is this the result of losing my first love? If so, I wonder how you are feeling. Are you wondering as I am if we should try again? Or do you truly want to say goodbye forever? Neither one of us can deny that we once cared nor that we enjoyed being intimate. There were many times when we said "love you" at exactly the same moment. I had hoped for a love that would last forever, but that was not to be. I am glad that you were my first love and I hold onto the dream that we may get back together again or go forward and each find a true love. When you least expect it, nature has cunning ways of finding our weakest spot.  
Call me by your name and I’ll call you by mine.  
Elio.  
———————————————  
A letter is just a letter. And love is just a fragments. I shove the letter in my pocket and grab my bag. Slowly, in the middle of the night, I start to run towards the fire.


	2. Real Between Fake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want you to know that you will always have a special place in my heart and, like I've said many times before, I do not regret anything we've done.

I rented a car, surprisingly it’s not that hard to do. I feel like one of those teens in those movies. That wants to find true love, so they stop a wedding or something. Like in Sixteen Candles or Pretty in Pink. I’m really not doing that. I mean he’s already married. Married. Should I go back? I’m just stopping to say hi. What’s the harm in that?  
———————————————  
I found the address in the address book or whatever that’s called. It shouldn’t take to long to get here. Hopefully. I turn on the radio to pass the time.   
———————————————  
Once I reach the destination I decide whether to go in. I contemplate this for a good 5 minutes. Ok. Did I just ruin a good chance. Ok. I’m going in. No I’m not. I am. I’m not. I slam my head on the car and accidentally make the horn beep. “Elio?” “Oh god.” I whine. I step out of the car. “Oliver, how are you?” “What are you doing here?” “I’m in town actually for a friend.” “Am I the friend?” “Little bit, yeah.” He laughs. “Good timing, I’m quite bored for the day.” “Isabelle’s out anyway.” Isabelle. That’s her name. Who he broke my heart over. “Elio?” “Yeah?” “You good?” “Yeah, just tired.” “Ah...tired.” He knows how to read me. Perfectly. He walks closer to me. “Elio.” He lifts my chin up. “I’m tired too.” He then drops my chin and walk over to the passenger seat. “Where are we going?” “I need to get out, don’t you?” “Yeah, I do.” “Shall we go...here I’ll type in an address.” “Technology is so different now, isn’t it?” “Yeah.” I mumble. I want to scream I LOVE YOU’ and ‘WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME’. You’re going to make me fall in love with you again and then you’re going to go off with ‘Ms. Pretty’ and ‘Oliver chose me, not you’. “We should get started, shouldn’t we?” “Yeah.” I say as I drive away. “Oliver?” “Yeah.” “Where are we going?” “To a place, you’ll like it.” “I promise.” “You made a lot of promises.” He reaches over and intertwines our fingers. “I know.” “It’s different now.” “How?” “I’m leaving.” “What do you mean leaving?” “Here.” I take my hand out of his. “Does that know?” “Isabelle?” I nod. “No, but she doesn’t love me anyway.” “We both love someone else.” I don’t even want to ask who he loves. I already know the answer.  
———————————————  
How can he act like nothings different. Everything is. “Still right music?” “Yeah.” “I’m writing something myself.” “Yeah, I see that.” “Do you not get car sick?” He shakes his head. He thinks he has everything doesn’t he. Eventually, we pull over at a gas station to get snacks.” “Would you like anything?” I ask him. “No, I’m good.” “Okay.” I say as I close the door and start to walk up to the store. I hear the bell ding. I look around the shop and put in ‘Oliver’s favorite Italian drink’. Not why is he doing this to me. Why am I doing this to myself. I think as I check out the food at the counter. “Find everything alright?” “Yeah, perfect.” I smile.   
———————————————  
“Oliver?” “Yeah?” “Are you ready?” “Yeah.” “I found those Italian sodas.” “Where?” “In the shop?” He laughs. “I mean how, I looked for them a while back.” “I couldn’t find them.” There’s something I want you to proof read for me.” “Right now?” I ask. “Right now.” “If it’s not to much trouble that is.” “Of course not.”  
———————————————

Dear Elio,

Every day, every moment that goes by I think of you. My brain tells me to give up, but my heart says I can't stop loving you. I spend all day dreaming of the moment you would call to say you feel the same way. As much as I try to pretend, the truth is, I can't stop loving you. I don't know how to stop. I will cherish the moments we have spent together, from our very first kiss to our last. I miss the way you kissed me, the way you looked at me and rubbed my face. I miss you missing me, I miss everything about you. I miss our phone conversations, and the way we would spend hours talking about music, and the different ways we grew up. But most of all, I miss my best friend. I will place the moments we've shared together in a time capsule and hide it in the most secret place of my heart. And maybe 20 years from now, if or when we meet again, maybe then we can both open the capsule together and be reminded of our wonderful friendship. God, my life is miserable! I finally met the right guy (you), but he's not available. I'm in love with you, but we can't be together. I've got to tell you, though, for the first time in months, I can finally smile because, although you didn't say much the last time you called, I could tell you still cared. You can keep on denying it, you can keep hiding from it, but you are only lying to yourself. Every day I ask myself, "Why, why do I feel this way? Why can't I stop loving you?" Then it dawned on me--you've put a spell on me! Just kidding. Before I go, I want you to know that you will always have a special place in my heart and, like I've said many times before, I do not regret anything we've done. The only thing I regret is you telling me you love me, because since then you have given me nothing but the cold shoulder. Please don't be scared, I want nothing but your friendship, well--I do want more, but I am willing to settle for less. I am not trying to make you feel bad or push you further away. I am just trying to make you understand what's in my heart.

I love you with all my heart, and I will always love you.  
Oliver.  
———————————————  
I don’t what to say. I’m speechless. I always am. “When did you write this?” I manage to ask. “The day I talked to you on the phone, I’ve wrote about a million of letters once then.” “Me too.” I look over at him to see that he’s looking at me. “He takes my hand and puts it on his cheek. “Elio.” “Oliver.” We repeat. He lips my chin up and kisses me. Am I dreaming? “Pinch me?” I ask as we pull away. “Why?” “That way I know this is real.” “No need, this is real.” “Always you.” “Only ever you.” “Oliver.” “Elio.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Leave kudos if you like my story. Have a great day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Leave kudos if you like my story. Have a great day!


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